Fried Mushrooms and Cold Beer

Ah, peeps (Yup, all three of you who read this...) I know I whinge... As Kat pointed out: "When are you going to write some funny stuff again?"

But sometimes, just sometimes, it's sooo much fun to whinge. The problem is, of course, that whinging can get monotonous too. So I apologise profusely for boring you. The thing is, mind, that this place sends you into a weird funk sometimes, y'know? It's a polluted, archaic, befuddling environment here. Really. It is. It's like the highs are the highest highs your ever going to get without a foray into illicit drug use, and the lows can... well, drive you to insanity. Which one then needs to write about. It's more cathartic than punching something, and less expensive than a psychiatrist.

And, strangely - now that I'm finally leaving - I keep finding things I like about the bloody place!

Like, for example, the road rage. Or rather, the lack thereof. I've never seen so many near misses, erratic maneouvers, or purely inconsiderate driving. Yet I have genuinely never encountered a set of angry drivers swearing and threatening to kill each other...

OK, admitedly I swear and shout a hell of a lot. But I'm a foreigner - I judge driving by western standards. And the Taiwanese think we're a bunch of uncouth hooligans with no social graces - so who am I to shatter the illusion, huh? Plus, I'm usually shouting and swearing at some moronic geriatric on a push bike who's just weaved in front of me without looking for NO APPARANT REASON. Like, for example, the old dude I encountered pushing his bicycle in the middle of the road, around the roundabout, in the dark with no lights - IN THE WRONG DIRECTION.

I mean, what the f**k? How...I say...HOW did he come to make that decision? Where in any realm of logical thought would that constitute a great idea? Hmmmm? Loony. Clearly. Bloody hell, I need to approach this with a more zen-like perception..."Accept that you cannot change it...embrace the way of the Taiwan-ren...drive like a blind squirrel with ADHD...Fear not potential death..."

But anyway, I digress.

Because today was fun. Really. It was. I laughed more than I have done in weeks. Well, that's not true, because I DO laugh a lot with the boys at work, and they are fun. But sometimes it's just great to chill out with girls and laugh about boys, not with them. And female friends are in short supply here, quite frankly. I can see why, mind you - because the culture treats us slightly less favourably. I mean, we don't get boyfriends easily, because the single boys who arrive here want young, skeletal, pretty asian girls - not old (hah! like, over 22), slightly curvier, quite attractive in the right make-up western girls. Plus, the male friends we do meet are fun, sure, but not the types of guys we'd probably date back home, either. We've got limited resources, quite frankly.

Oh...and any Taiwanese guys we meet only want to meet western girls cos they've heard we're slutty, or cos they want to improve their English. Hardly romantic. Anyway, most western girls are far too damn savvy to actually fall for their "YOU SO BEEEYOOOTEEFOOL" bollocks (ahem). On the other hand, a lot of Taiwanese girls only date western boys so they can improve their English skills... oh, and because their boyf can afford slightly nicer gifts than the cheapo Taiwanese ex they had before. But the loser western boys are usually too pumped-up on ego to realise that. Or is that me being cynical? Nah... I'm sure it's a love match, even though she doesn't get his jokes, barely understands his accent, and still think he's American even though he's pointed out several times that he's actually from Canada. Yup, that and the fact she really dig guys with the personality spectrums of putrid dishrags and a face like quasimodo on LSD.

So yeah, it's a given - western girls just don't last long. 2 years, possibly...5 years is like a lifetime. But boys? They hang around for much longer. Where else are they going to be treated like studs and get gorgeous girlfriends their mates back home will w**k jealously over? Huh? OK, so she may be just about able to giggle seductively in English and flutter her fake eyelashes fluently... but who cares? She looks good on facebook, eh?

Uhmmm, so yeah - now I've offended EVERYONE I'll continue with the story, eh?

So today was a little mountain trip up to the hotsprings. It was planned as a girly trip with the other solitary girl left here in New Vegas. She brought a mate, who, despite having gone through a rather traumatic and tumultuous last few weeks was possibly the brightest, most endearingly lovely girl I've met in Taiwan. Seriously. Well, her and my solitary ally in Vegas. Oh my. Just the loveliest two people to spend a day with. I shit you not.

Why do I have to meet these people WHEN I'M LEAVING? Huh? S'not fair!

Eh, Kat - fear not - you have not been replaced as The Loveliest Person in the Northern Hemisphere (mainly cos these two are from the Southern Hemisphere... ha ha). But seriously, I went through a long period here just being a bit miserable because I was, well, craving friendship with people whose conversational skills extended beyond their favourite beer, or whether the X-box 360 was superior to the Wii or Playstation. I personally think the Wii has more potential, but then, I hate playing war games and trying to drive cars through Miami whilst shooting virtual police officers. What is the point in that?

So today was fabulous for that, and also for the fact I got to sit in hot, muddy water (more fun than you might imagine) AND have fish nibble the dry skin off my feet (less gross than you would imagine). Oh, and drink cold beer, eat deep-fried mushrooms, and sunbathe all day.

Life doesn't get much better than that.