Mr. Cockroach

Mr.Cockroach and his family have moved into the drawer next to the front door in the porch.

"So? What's the problem?" - I hear you all ask...

Well, we only have one front door key. It's kept in the drawer next to the front door. And I have to put my hand in that blasted drawer to retrieve the key.

It's not so much of a problem during the day. But at night? In the dark? The porch light switch is inside the house. I need to get the key from inside the drawer to get inside the house. And the porch light isn't on. I can't see where Mr. Cockroach is:

"THUD!...THUD!...THUUUD!" (The sound of me whacking the drawer with my cellphone... no wonder it doesn't work...hmmmm...)

"Scuttle...scratch...scuttle" (The sound of Mr. Cockroach and family getting unsettled)

"Creeeeeeeeak" (The drawer opens slowly)

"Scuttle...scuttle...scuttle...scuttle...flutter...scuttle...flutter" (The sound of cockroaches panicking and hurriedly evacuating the drawer)

"Eeuuugh" (The sound of me retching as I place my hand gingerly into the unknown depths of the drawer)

"Scuttle...flutter..." (Mr. Cockroach as he scuttles past my hand and flies onto my skirt)

"Aiiiiyeeeee! M****RF***ER!" (Me, squealing like a girl as the cockroach lands in the folds of my skirt and brushes against my legs)

"Uh?" (The sound of my flatmate, opening the door, as she encounters me - arms flailing - pointing to the drawer)

"DO YOU KNOW THERE'S A F***ING COCKROACH IN THERE?" (Me - voice rising to a panicked squawk)

"Uh?" (Flatmate's response. Looking blankly at me, the drawer, and the cockroach)

"Oh never mind. I f***ing can't wait to leave this shithole." (Me. Resignedly accepting that - A. My flatmate speaks NO ENGLISH, so I can swear all I like. and, B. I can swear all I like anyway, 'cos I'm leaving soon. It's not like I want to stay friends with her.)