Pourquoi...les escargots?

In homage to the earlier blog titled "Why is it...?" I felt compelled to add more to life's greatest question:

"Why do we eat stuff that's utterly repugnant simply because someone told us it was a delicacy?"

Firstly, why do people eat snails? French people, we all know, love the kind of ingredients usually found in cuisine more suited to the malevolent inhabitants of a Grimm's Fairytale. Read: snails, frogs legs, cheese that smells of rancid sweaty armpits ... Really... Who in their right mind seriously looked at a snail, and thought... "Mmmmm, that little mollusc looks so very appetising. I think I shall attempt to eat it, but how? I wonder...? Smothered in garlic and fried in butter? Mais oui... quel bon idee!" And later ... "Ah, well, the shell was a smite crunchy, but the squishy inside that has the consistency of snot does taste scrumptious...and the garlic is a fine addition. I am a genius, non?"

To be fair, we all know that all kids (and no doubt quite a few men) love to pick and eat bogeys. My students, in fact, frequently investigate their nasal cavities with such endeavour that I often think they'll start touching some optic nerves and their eyes will start swivelling. The furtive glances they cast as they attempt to look innocent simply exacerbate the situation - and I do love shouting: "Johnny! Stop picking your lunch and get back to work! You need all you fingers to maintain control of your pencil, and at this rate that hand is heading towards a black hole of doom also known as your brain. Get your vile, dirty hand out of your nose, and start writing, you disgusting little reprobate." Plus, I can confirm that all four French chefs I worked with (in my previous life as a hotel-wench/manageress/dogsbody extraordinaire... in France, of course) were such soap-dodging, rancid, utterly toe-curlingly minging individuals that I have no doubt in my mind the French invented snails as a homage to their secret love of eating their own bogeys.

So perhaps snails are just a throwback and a secret indulgence for grown-ups who are now far too important and uhm... grown up ...to actually eat a bogey, and resort instead to enjoying something resembling a good dollop of snot. Satisfying, non?

And of course, here in Taiwan (that country of cuisine and culture) we have of course, ze snails (they get about, eh?)... and ze blood rice (think black pudding, but with rice)... ze duck's head... ze chicken's feet ... ze chicken's arseholes (yes, really. skewered onto a kebab stick and bbq'd)... ze salty snails from ze sea ...oysters (of coooourse) ... and uhm ... oh yeah - stinky tofu. And that's only for starters. We also have - to follow - ze ice-lolly with red beans (think baked beans in an icecream), or asparagus juice, or black sesame icecream, or the ever-popular tapioca balls in sweet milk tea. All of which are not mere delicacies that are only brought out for foreigners to try amidst much sniggering, but are the foodstuffs that, literally, EVERYBODY loves.

And if, like me, you are a little fussy - and want to avoid eating peanuts flavoured with little baby fish - then best be warned... Your hosts won't take 'No' for an answer. In fact, they positively delight in feeding you as many bizarre and unappetising dishes as possible. Not because they secretly delight in making you wince and retch, no, no, no. But because they genuinely, heartfeltedly feel that what they are serving you is so utterly delicious and amazing that it would be a tragedy to let you go home without having ever tried it.

So, if you are in any way like me and stringently avoid all new and weird-looking food if you can help it, then I suggest that Taiwan is so not the place for you. And - should you inadvertantly find yourself in Taiwanese company - I suggest you become a strict lacto-intolerant Buddhist with serious allergy to everything except snickers bars. But be warned - somebody WILL still find something for you to eat.