Taxes, like death, are unavoidable and extremely unpleasant. Some famous person somewhere said that, I'm sure. And I'm repeating it like a bad case of garlic-bread breath.
It's not that I disagree, per se, with the theory behind taxes (even though I'd prefer it not to apply to me). In fact, I think it's a grand idea - we all contribute to society. Very nice, in fact. Very egalitarian. I quite like it.
It's just that it's so....complicated. It's almost like the tax-inventor had had a really crap day at work in his little inventing-stuff-shed, inventing futile creations that would eventually be relegated to bargain-bin humiliation, and thought:
"Feckin' bollocks to all that! I'm going to create something that REALLY REALLY pisses people off. I'm going to invent the impossibly-complicated-perpetually-incomplete tax form. In triplicate. And it can only be completed in BLACK ink (which no-one ever seems to have handy at form-filling time), and in CAPITAL LETTERS (just so it looks like you are shouting the information at the reader). Moreover, I shall make it so that no matter how well you think you've filled the form in, in actual fact there will be a small, minute, impossible-to-see-with-the-naked-eye section you've missed. I shall, of course, ensure that the aforementioned tiny section is only discovered AFTER the form has been handed in, and that the discoverer is a particularly officious and pernickity sort who won't rest 'til the form is re-written (again in triplicate). Using the black ink of a rare pen that can only be sourced via a 10-day jungle trek through the lesser-known bargain bins of the Stationery tribe of Takzezrmilyfsothyr, on the outer island of Ah Bolokz, just off the coast of Borneo. Yes. I shall do that. And then I shall invent the shopping trolley with wonky wheels and a broken brake. Just for fun."
And off he (or she) would trot to their shed with a nice cup of tea and a distinctly boring and un-fancy biscuit like a rich-tea-biscuit, because he (or she) is not the sort for frivolity.
And so I filled my form in dutifully, and similarly trotted towards the tax office with a sense of purpose (it helped that the tax office is opposite KFC, and I could pop in there for lunch too). To which the impossibly nice - but nevertheless officious - clerk greeted me with derisive laughter. For I had trotted to the WRONG office! And with only 3 days left to file my tax claim! Ho ho ho! What hilarity! For them, clearly. Not for me. I was so pissed off, I needed a Maccy D's McFlurry to cheer me up. Which didn't work, because it melted too fast in the heat and all I got was milky gloop. A miserable cloud of gloom sat over me for the rest of the day.
It now means that I have had to do a round trip - via another city - tomorrow. I'm still not happy. And if anyone dares tell me the form is incomplete.........
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2 comments:
I used to hate those forms during the years I was *partly* self employed. Especially paying the tax the year after you had earned.
I was very glad when I returned to full time salaried employment a few years ago.
Although, I still object slightly to the fact that this government siphons off £700 a month of my salary in Tax and National Insurance and I get very little in return: as a single person without children I make no use of the education system; I do not drive thus do not use the roads; I don't use libraries because the internet is quicker and (almost) cheaper .....
..... and yet on the ONE occasion when I want anything out of my contributions (when I go to see my doctor) the service I receive on the NHS is extremely shoddy, and they very rarely seem willing to offer the tiniest bit of help to me (and my health problems) other than to fob me off with yet another "one size fits all" panacea prescription!
It makes me so mad !!!
Best wishes,
Sharon
I had a similarly fun experience the first year I left university, and worked as a tour guide... the company claimed I was self-employed and so I had to do my own tax form. Of course, the tax office alternated between bemused, befuddled and downright rude. All because I was a student AND self-employed. And I never got a straight answer, not even once!
Now here's a thought... in Taiwan teachers in state schools don't pay income tax. How nice is that? I unfortunately pay 10% tax, which still isn't much compared to the UK. I'm not looking forward to the tax and national insurance conversation I'll be having when I return home. Ugh.
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